Sunday, June 19, 2011

Valuable and Icky Resources

With the onset of summer, comes two unwanted things. The first is the high humidity that makes an 85 degree day feel like Riyadh in a heat wave, the second is the millions of bugs, especially mosquitoes that come for the all you can bite smorgasbord. We try many ways to get rid of our long-nosed guests, some work better than others. However, the latest tool in the War Against Itching is perhaps the most interesting. When Emily left to go back to the Motherland, what she left behind was scavenged as is our custom. As I was walking out with several hangers she left behind, I saw my girlfriend Michelle coming in with a piece of paper and a small bit of cardboard.
"Whatcha doing, babe?" I said, curious.
She replied nonchalently "I'm getting her spiders before anyone else does."
Spiders. Right. I was just on my way to get them myself....wait, what?
"Check it out...do you see any mosquitoes in here, did she ever even complain of them?"
"Well no, but still...." I couldn't quite complete my thoughts as I was too busy watching her go into the bathroom to coax some rather shy daddy-longleggers onto her piece of paper. She got a few that had been quite comfortable thank you, under Emily's sink and carefully took them back to her own bathroom.
"Now you are free to live here. Kindly don't roam. This is a good land, rich and fertile with plenty of food for you. Your only condition is to eat mosquitoes. You can do that to your little heart's content." She said kindly as her eight legged charges took their first timid steps upon the strange new tile. "However, if you don't live up to your part of the deal then we will have to revisit our agreement." She said with an ominous look at the sandal that bore the dried out carcasses of those insects with whom she didn't negotiate.
I went back to my room and saw a small spider eyeing me carefully from the corner of my shower, I paused for a second and considered Michelle's "live-in-harmony-with-all-things" strategy. Then..

BAM! SLAP! POW!

I'm a cold-hearted person and I have the mosquito bites to prove it.

1 comments:

The Art of Being Babs said...

You aren't cold-hearted, you're just obstinate. Two different things altogether!

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