Panda + Bear = Death

A lot of people ask if I see any pandas. Well, yes I have but I don't cuddle with them or hold them or feed them. Many people forget that the full name of a panda is "a panda bear" as in "bear" as in "will straight up kill you." Frankly, I'm a little annoyed with society's love of pandas. They're not small and cuddly but the size of full grown bears. The cute color scheme blinds people to the fact that it's still a couple hundred pounds of freaking bear and bears can and will kill you. But as long as they have the "awww big teddy weddy bear!" appeal people are going to keep them around. Bamboo is their depression comfort food since they've become too slow and fat to hunt anything but firmly rooted plants, but they'll still eat any small animals they get their paws on. All in all, the panda is nature's loser, an animal so far gone that it won't even have sex without the aid of several Chinese zookeepers. When a species' sole responsibility is to "get busy" and it still doesn't bother, then we, as people who have to get up and go to work every day, should lose sympathy.Scientists are considering cloning the species, but when you've got a room full of super-biologists stuck photocopying an animal that was too stupid to exist the first time, it isn't going to be long before they start thinking: "We could build a far better panda--with six arms! And laser vision! And neon pink!

Basically, I said all that to share with you this....pandas are vicious brutes and their extreme lethargy is God's way of taking care of us.